To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA)

For my last blog, I just wanted to share a few words about a non-profit organization that I am very passionate about. What led me to want to share this is the effects that abuse has among its victims. Many people who are victims of abuse may develop alcohol and drug abuse, depression and anxiety, feelings of shame and guilt, poor self-esteem, suicidal behavior and self-harm, and much more (according to the reading Resisting Violence Against Women). I have been battling depression since 8th grade and started on anti-depressants in 10th grade. This past summer I went off of the medication, which resulted in a relapse right when school started. I was in a deep depression for about five weeks, which felt more like five months. I started back on the anti-depressants about a week after the relapse, but since the medication takes a while to fully be in effect, I was in the state of depression for a longer period of time. Having suffered from depression is a big reason as to why I am a supporter of To Write Love On Her Arms. I also know people who have or are still struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.

I'm a fan of To Write Love On Her Arms on Facebook, and almost every day they post a positive and hopeful quote as their status. Being the music freak that I am, I also notice the musicians who support this movement by wearing the t-shirts/accessories, talking about the movement and why they support it, and simply spreading the love.

At the bottom of this blog I posted TWLOHA's mission statement and the organization's main website. On their website you can find more information about the movement, along with many videos such as TWLOHA being included on CBS Sunday Morning's "Preventing Teen Suicide," which is also posted below. Towards the end of this video, the founder of TWLOHA explains how the movement started and the meaning behind it all.

As a side note, the founder of To Write Love On Her Arms, Jamie Tworkowski, will be at UW-Oshkosh on Wednesday, December 8th. The University Speaker Series is running this event.

MISSION

To Write Love On Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for those struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.


To Write Love On Her Arms (website)


TWLOHA on CBS Sunday Morning

Remember That

I'm not sure if all of you are aware how Jessica Simpson went country with her music a couple years ago, but here is an awesome song that is geared towards women and abuse. I'm not a huge fan of country music, but the lyrics in this song are great. Below is a video of Jessica Simpson explaining the meaning of the song, and also posted is the song.

Jessica Simpson talks about "Remember That"

"Remember That"

It doesn't matter how he hurts you... with his hands or with his words. You don't deserve it, it ain't worth it. Take your heart and run!

Face Down

I titled this blog after The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus's song "Face Down." When we discussed this week's topic on violence against women in class on Tuesday, this song immediately popped in my head. I first heard this song back in high school, and although it is about a guy physically abusing a girl, I never really took it that way until I learned more about physically abusive relationships. I first related the song to me and how the guy I dated in high school would verbally abuse me. At that age, I didn't hear much about girls in physically abusive relationships. Therefore, when I would listen to this song, I basically thought of verbal abuse since it was what I personally experienced. Throughout the years I have learned more and more about the effects of physically abusive relationships, how to tell if someone is in one, and how to help someone/get help. A lot of this I learned in school, and some I've learned through the media (true stories in magazines and on TV, as well as movies and TV shows).

As I mentioned in class, the picture on 562 of "Is this what it takes to be a man?" relates to the lyrics in "Face Down" -- Do you feel like a man when you push her around? Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground? I'm sure many of you would agree with me that it is definitely not manly to beat a girl around... I will never understand why anyone would want to hurt someone like that. The song goes on with Cover up with make up in the mirror/ Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again/ You cry alone and then he swears he loves you. This is showing how the girl is making excuses for the guy... and also how the guy apologizes and tells her he loves her after he beats her. Many girls give into that and believe that a guy will change, resulting in girls not being able to leave an abusive relationship. They may also be scared that they will get beaten even more if they try to leave. With the verbally abusive relationship I was in, I can somewhat relate. One day the guy I was dating would tell me how worthless and stupid I am, and then the next day he would apologize and tell me he didn't want to lose me. Of course those words of apology would overpower the hurtful words I heard the day before... just like the few good memories would overpower the many bad memories I had with him.

Physically abusive relationships not only result in bruises or cuts on the body, but permanent emotional damage. The bruises may fade, but the memories will last forever. This brings me to the point on treating everyone with respect. There are more people out there than you know who have been victims of an abusive relationship. Please take that into consideration and treat people you know and/or just meet with respect and kindness. You have no idea what someone has been through in the past. Reach out to those who are hurting, and never take the idea of an abusive relationship lightly.

Below is the video for Face Down.
"Face Down" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Now & Then

As I was reading A Brief History of Working Women, I started to think about how there are similarities between then and now when it comes to the working world. In particular, reading the section about white women reminded me of how the Amish are nowadays. There are quite a few Amish families that live around my hometown of Tomah, so growing up with that has made me become familiar with how they live. I also did a little research on the Amish, and found it interesting that the Amish movement was founded in Europe (the White Women section mentioned European women who came over to the USA). Like it was during the American colonial period, work is still closely identified with home and family life. The Amish do a lot on their own such as producing their own food rather than buying it, and making their own clothes. According to the reading, colonial families worked to reduce cash expenditures by growing vegetables in the kitchen garden and making the family's clothes, candles, soap and household furnishings. To me, it also sounds like the Amish! Not only do the Amish make their own stuff, but they do quality work as well. Many of their furnishings are sold in Amish and country stores. Some Amish also run businesses from their home... for example, on Hwy 21 there is an Amish home where they also do leather repair (I see the sign every time I drive to and from home). Amish are also very close with their family members and get to spend more time with each other since they aren't distracted by the television or computer.

When I compare the Amish to they way I live, I feel spoiled and somewhat lazy. Here I am driving my own car and getting to a destination within five minutes, while it would take an Amish family three times as long in a horse and buggy. Also, I am able to wash and dry my clothes within an hour and a half, whereas it would take them a day considering they need to hang dry their clothes. Much of what the Amish do is what many people did back in the day during the colonial times, and they truly know what hard work is. Although I am thankful for the technology we have, I feel as if we take it for granted on a daily basis. For example, when my Internet doesn't work, I get irritated... which is ridiculous because sometimes the only reason I want to go on the Internet is to check Facebook, and that is not an important part of life!

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and see what life was like then! I kind of did get a taste of it when I was a little girl and went to Old World Wisconsin with my family... check it out the website! :)

Old World Wisconsin

The Politics of Housework

When I read The Politics of Housework before class, I couldn't help but feel a little irritated. I understand that Pat Mainardi was writing about her experiences with her husband (and it was 1970), but I felt as if she was generalizing all men of being the same. The examples she gave about what she has heard men say about housework are things that I have never heard before. Growing up, my mom did the majority of housework such as dishes, laundry, dusting, etc... However, my dad also helped out quite a bit. He does the dishes, vacuums, and helps my mom out with whatever she needs. My dad also does pretty much all the work outside like splitting wood, hauling wood, mowing the lawn, raking up leaves, snow blowing our driveway as well as the neighbors' driveways, etc... I don't ever recall hearing my mom bicker about how my dad doesn't help out with anything, because in reality, he does a lot for the family. I personally think that the work my dad does takes a lot more energy, stress, and time. I can also say the same about my friends and their parents, since a lot of families I know live on farms, which requires a lot of work and help from the whole family.

Discussing this reading in class made me look at it from a different perspective. Instead of just looking at men and housework, I looked at roommates I live with and have lived with. I lived in an apartment last year with three other girls, and this year I live with three different girls. There always seems to be at least one person who doesn't want to clean and/or complains about having to help out. So it's not just the men that complain about housework... there are plenty of women out there who complain as well! I think we need to be thankful for all the work that men do do. A lot of the work they do is stuff we women wouldn't even want to attempt. Also, I personally like doing housework like cleaning and doing laundry. I feel accomplished afterwards, and it also helps reduce anxiety I feel when I am stressed. I don't know about you, but that's how I see it.

We are FaMiLy

This week's readings and discussions in class on family really got me thinking about what I used to think a traditional family is. My perspective of a traditional family has changed greatly since I was younger. I grew up in a house out in the country with my parents and my older brother. Because of that, I thought a more traditional family included a father, mother, son, and daughter... the dad is older than the mom, and the son is older than the daughter. It was also like that for the doll house I played with: my doll house characters lived in a big house, and the son looked older than the daughter. It never really occurred to me when I was 10 years old that there were families that lived in apartments instead of houses. I also thought it was different how my best friend had a younger sister instead of an older brother. I know, I know... this all sounds a bit ridiculous, but I was just used to how I was being raised. Of course now that I'm older, I am more aware of the different kinds of families out there.

After learning about the models of "head-complement," "junior partner/senior partner," and "equal partners," I took a look at my parents and realized that they fit under the junior partner/senior partner model. My dad is a mechanic for the highway department in the county we live in, and my mom is a 2nd grade teacher at one of the elementary schools in my hometown. My dad is always the one fixing stuff around the house and doing chores outside. My mom is the caretaker of the family and cleans up around the house from doing the laundry to cooking the meals. When my brother and I would get sick at school, my mom would be the one who would get called to come pick us up from school (this was also an example in the reading). My parents both have full-time jobs, but my dad's job is considered to be more important as to where he would rarely miss work. Also, he does work outside of his job by fixing vehicles that belong to our friends and family. Since my mom is a teacher, it's easier for her to ask off from work because a substitute teacher would be able to fill in. This is the reason why she was able to stay home with my brother and I when we would get sick.

If I were to get married in the future, I would like to fit under the junior partner/senior partner model like my parents... partially because that's what I grew up with! I also just want to be able to have my own job instead of just working at home.

Just Sayin'

I'm gonna throw it out there... yes, I am a Christian. Knowing that, you might be thinking: "Oh no, she's one of those" or "She probably hates homosexuals." Well, you couldn't be more wrong. I get so irritated when people label Christians as all being the same and having the same beliefs. Maybe the Bible does say that homosexuality isn't natural, but it does not give us permission to put any hatred toward those who are gay or lesbian. I often don't tell people I'm a Christian right away since they might automatically label me as being judgmental. I will admit that I do judge others at times, but I don't go to the extreme of disliking homosexuals. In fact, I have some friends who are gay and I don't treat them any differently than my heterosexual friends.  

I will admit that when I was in middle school, I didn't really accept homosexuality for a couple of reasons: 1) I went to a very conservative and strict Baptist church, and 2) I was young and didn't know much. In high school, my family and I decided it was best to change churches. We now go to an Evangelical Free church, where they accept anyone. I started to see the bigger picture of life and learned more about what goes on in the world (unlike at the Baptist church, where I felt sheltered).

The video we watched in class yesterday really opened up my eyes. It was touching to hear all of their stories, and parts were also sad. I thought one lady made a great point when she said, "Who would choose a gay lifestyle? It's a hard lifestyle." Homosexuals have a lot to deal with already, and making it hard for them to be able to have kids is heartbreaking. I could just see the love that all of these people had... the kind of love that many children need. Another woman also made a good point when she said, "I may love a woman, but that doesn't disrupt the love for my children." All these families have worked so hard to be able to have children of their own. I don't believe anyone would go through that much if they weren't serious about starting a loving family.

The couple who had the baby named Carter didn't think it was possible for them to have a healthy child. They were told that they would most likely end up with a special needs child. When they talked about that, it made me think back to reading Partners as Parents. In this reading under adoption, they mention "That gays are more readily allowed to adopt special-needs children raises an interesting question: why are the people who some label as 'unfit to parent' often given children needing the most care?" I definitely don't think that just because someone is homosexual, it means they are unfit to be a parent. This video we watched proves my point. All the couples showed great love to those around them, and to me, I think they will keep their families under a strong roof. As one lady put it, "I want my children to grow up to be nice and not judge." :) 

"You Are More"

This song doesn't relate to anything in particular that we've been learning during class; however, it's an uplifting song that I believe everyone needs to listen to. We all tend to look down on ourselves with stuff we've done in the past, and I just don't think people realize how great they really are.

You are more than the choices that you've made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You've been remade


This is one of my favorite songs by Tenth Avenue North, and just this week one of my friends showed me the music video... and it just blows me away. Pay attention to the words written on the chalkboard, and also pay attention to the lyrics!

Tenth Avenue North - "You Are More"

Girls Can Rock!

I had a feeling watching Girls Rock would make me want to be in a rock band... that usually happens whenever I listen to music, watch music videos, go to concerts, etc... It wasn't until I hit high school that I truly became what they call a "music freak." Don't get me wrong, I have always loved music, but I never really paid much attention to the lyrics and meaning behind songs until I got into high school. I also went through phases. In elementary school, I loved country music; middle school it was pop rock; high school it was mainstream music; and now, it's alternative rock.

It was interesting to see such young girls in this video to be so into heavier music, while I was into country and pop at their age. I like what The Girls Rock Camp had to offer for these girls. Not only was it about music, but they learned self-defense, how to treat other girls, and that it's okay not to have the answer to something at that very moment. This camp wants girls to feel powerful and to know that they rock! One thing that stuck out to me was something that one of the campers said. She mentioned the movies everyone sees, and how girls feel like they need to look perfect like the actresses in the movie... and if they don't look like them, then it's just too bad. It's sad that so many young girls turn to the media to see what they should look like to feel accepted in this world. Listening to some of the campers talk on the video, I noticed they realize that the media is evil, and they try not to follow the trend of trying to look flawless and glamorous. Now that's what I like to hear! :)

Since Girls Rock focused on empowering girls and using music as their medium, it made me go and listen to some of my favorite female fronted bands. A couple of them are Fireflight and Superchick. Below is the song Unbreakable by Fireflight. This song makes me feel strong and that I can overcome any obstacle I come across. The lead singer is also a hardcore rocker chick! Enjoy :)

Fireflight - "Unbreakable"